July 2010
8 posts
Life's About...
Three-year-old (to his mother): Knock Knock?
Mother: Who’s there?
Three-year-old boy: Banana.
Mother: Banana who?
Three-year-old boy: Banana.
Mother: …that doesn’t make any sense, honey.
Three-year-old boy: It makes perfect sense… I told you a banana knocked, and when you asked, I told you it was a banana. (looks to his father) Women.
Life's About...
Chef (to Liz the waitress): Hey, there Little Shorts.
Liz (to me): It’s because I wear short shorts all the time. I feel like a slutty Native American.
Here We Go
I’m not going to go insane over this, but I am really pissed off. i am over 100 miles away and yet people still want to talk about rumors about me and my life. This summer was supposed to be a break from everything that made my life such a mess.
And why can’t any of you come and ask me? Because there’s probably a zero percent chance of any of it being true. Come ask me and...
And you know what I decided?
You’re a tool. And not the cool kind.
Life's About...
(50-year-old couple sitting at the bar, slightly drunk.)
Wife: You know what, if you don’t shut up right now, you’re going to bed when we get home.
Husband: Yeah? Well what if I don’t want to?
Wife: Then so help me, I will take away your iPhone for a week.
Husband: But… but you can’t do that! I need it!
Wife: Oh yeah? I see what you do on there. There are NOTHING...
Crashing Down
it’s like you step into a room filled with just blankets, perfect.
but you slip and realize that under some of the blankets there are holes and you fall into nothingness if you trust the wrong one. others provide the greatest support you’ve ever had in your life.
too bad you can’t tell the difference until you’ve fallen to far.
Life's About...
Kenroy(Jamaican Employee):(to me) Why you so embarrassed, mon?
Me: What? I’m not…
Kenroy: Your face is all red.
Me: Oh… yeah I got a sunburn today.
Kenroy: (laughs for a really long time)
Me: Why are you… oh. You can’t get sunburned, can you.
Kenroy (still laughing): Never in my life, mon, never in my life.
Life's About...
(the pieces I catch while working at the restaurant)
(A group of 20-somethings sitting at the table)
Girl: She was pushing SO hard on my butt.
Guy: Like, really hard?
Girl: Really hard! And I couldn’t tell her to soften up because then she would go too soft and then it would’ve sucked.
Girl #2: Yeah, but I’ve heard if you get elbows involved it feels better.
Girl: Oh, hm, I...
